A cartoon from a past New Yorker magazine pictured grizzled, war-hardened warriors about to attack a castle. In their midst a young, clean-cut warrior-wannabee proudly brags to his comrades, "I've never actually stormed a castle before, but I have taken castle-storming classes." 

Strom

Though we saw hundreds of memorable sights, and compared notes with folks from all over the globe in bed-and- breakfasts, what fascinated me most were the castles - castles and walled cities by the hundreds - that dotted the landscape. For some folks a castle is just a glorified pile of rocks. But having spent my whole life within the confines of a country whose history is barely two centuries deep, castles are the stuff of which dreams are made.

Time and again I was totally awe- struck by the impressive sight, while meandering along country roads walled on both sides by ancient rock walls grown over with brush, when seemingly out of nowhere appeared an old fortress or castle dating back nearly a thousand years, or a 5,000- year distant "circle stone" arrangement (Stonehenge being one of hundreds), or a "circle fort" erected precariously above a 300-foot sheer cliff with a savage ocean crashing at its base.

These structures built millennia ago by long-forgotten peoples to protect themselves and their pitiful possessions inspired me to wonder, wander, and read whatever is available on what accomplishments these early people deemed worthwhile, what motivated them to accomplish the things they did, and how they did the seemingly impossible without the aid of modern tools and instruments of warfare.

Now that he's retired, Autobody News columnist Dick Strom is touring collision repair facilities throughout the world. This foreboding English castle, the 900-year-old Castle Criccieth, was apparently on Dick's way to visit a body shop in Wales. Dick learned that insurers steer customers in Wales just as they do here, and that you might get your bonnet (hood) or front wing (fender) repaired at a combination mechanical/body shop, as only the big insurance shops do exclusively collision repair.

Is Dick Strom shopping for a new retirement home? This castle is no fixer-upper.

What is so valuable

Considering the terrain surrounding most of the "circle forts" especially common to Ireland, one has to wonder what could have seemed so valuable in this rock- strewn, desolate prairie that would induce a people to make the incomprehensible back-breaking effort of stacking many millions of stones high and wide enough to protect themselves from invaders.

Of equal mystery is why any other people would want to challenge them over this virtual rock quarry, some of it being aptly described by a Cromwellian surveyor as "…a savage land, yielding neither water enough to drown a man, nor a tree to hang him, nor soil enough to bury him." Yet historians tell us that this land, no matter how worthless it may look by today's standards, was the only commodity men of that era could own that couldn't be spirited away by marauders.

It's hard for us in this materialistic age to comprehend the difficulty of life even as it existed several hundred years ago. Human life never has held much value since Cain slew Abel, but especially so when precious few adults lived to what we today consider middle-age. Savagery was rampant, as evidenced by unearthed human skulls cleft nearly in half in war by axe-blows, bones pulverized by clubs and stones, skeletons pierced through by spears, arrows, even pitchforks. Anyone and everyone was fair game as marauding hordes raped, pillaged, and plundered, with little to stop them.

What little the ravages of war spared these early people, famine and pestilence finished off before their time. Little wonder, then, that people eventually sought out defense from, and became subservient to, those who were in a financial position to provide protection in exchange for homage and taxes. Thus was ushered in the age of castles, most in the British Isles dating from around the 12th century AD. Though many castles lie in ruins today, some have been stabilized, some restored, and still others throughout the centuries have been converted to stately residences, some still in use today.

Castle keep

Early forts and castles provided people with a reasonable assurance that they could settle down and raise a farm and family, without molestation. When hostilities arose, those within the vicinity of the castle would be afforded safety for their family and herds until the danger had passed, when they could return to rebuild whatever remained of their home and crops outside the castle walls. Most medieval castles, other than those built by England to subdue unrest among the Scots, Irish, and Welsh, contained a "castle keep"- the strongest, most secure part of the castle, surrounded by one or more castle walls. The "keep" was where the lord of the castle and his family resided permanently, or temporarily when under attack.

The incredible attention to what might appear to us small details in castle construction is what made them virtually impenetrable. Most all staircases are spiral, and rotate clockwise from bottom to top because, most warriors being right handed, an advancing army attempting to fight its way up a tower to gain control of the "catwalk" surrounding the castle or city would be disadvantaged by having to wield their weapons with their left hands, against defending warriors fighting downwards with a right-hander's advantage.

"Trip steps," occasionally shorter or taller than normal steps, were built to confuse and cause offending warriors to stumble, making them easier to slay. (Interestingly, Bobbi's friend from high school, who presently works in Iraq and traveled with us for ten days, mentioned that Saddam incorporated trip-steps into his palaces).

Clever refinements in defense

Other refinements of war incorporated into some castles include the mushroomed-out base of castle outer walls, making it more difficult for attackers to position ladders and wooden scaffolding, or construct fires of sufficient heat to weaken the lime-mortar holding all the rockwork together. Mushroomed wall bases also doubled as launching pads for rocks dropped from the castle wall catwalks. Moats left offenders exposed to withering crossbow fire, and multiple steel and heavy wooden gates were dropped to the ground when needed to corral the enemy like trapped rats, at which time "murder holes" would be opened from above to allow stones, arrows, or whatever was handy to finish them off.